La noche está estrellada,
y tiritan, azules, los astros, a lo lejos.
Today.Today I woke up late, ~10 am, stayed in bed chatting with friends, felt the sun coming through my window and knew it was going to be a hot day again,
here comes the sun
It was weird not to have something to worry about, no rush, no plan, nothing settled. Had breakfast, got ready and left. Decided to go to my faculty office to pick up some papers I left yesterday and in the bus I started a book which I already hate after 20 pages: Physics for poets. Boring and imprecise. I quit reading it for good. I was walking towards physics school and could not believe I don't belong there anymore...
Yesterday.Woke up at 7. Excited, nervous, happy, worried, calmed and nervous again. I checked my presentation again. Read about Feynman's ratchets, violations of the 2nd Law of thermodynamics, Parrondo'x paradox...
Work it harder make it better
do it faster makes us stronger
more than ever hour after hour
work is never over
1 pm. I'm standing in front of a blackboard (which was white, whiteboard?), presentation is ready and people is waiting, the judges take their places and I start... I don't really know how long it took me, some say it was 1 hour and 20, I am not sure, time went so fast for me. I felt so glad of seeing my friends from highschool, colleagues and 4 relatives in the audience :) I finished and the judges decided to give me the highest mark. It overwhelmed me and then the party. Indio beer everywhere and cochinita pibil tacos. I ate like crazy. Then, german 'Brauerei' and more beer, really dark one...
Don't you know that last night
turned to daylight
and a minute became a day
last night all my troubles
well they seemed so, so far away
Saturday, March 14th.Took a bus to Mexico's City airport at 11
I'll be with you darling soon
Be with you when the stars start falling
If you hear me calling
I've been waiting so long
To be where I'm going...
arrived at 4pm. From 4 to 6 I ate and watched an episode of gossip girl hehe... At 6 I started drinking water and listen Ella Fitzgerald music to keep myself calmed. Ok, I couldn't really wait anymore at the room, so by 6.30 I was already at the airport. International arrivals. Still drinking water and singing in my head:
I've got you under my skin
I've tried so hard not to give in
I've said to myself this affair never will go somewhere
but darling why should I try when I know so well I've got you under my skin?
I'd sacrifice anything come what might
for the sake of having you near
in spite of a warning voice that comes in the night
and repeats, and repeats in my ear:
Don't you know, little fool, you never can win?
Use your mentality, wake up to reality!
But each time I do just the thought of you
makes me stop before I begin
'cause I've got you under my skin.
and checking the screen every now and then. No flight from Dallas by Mexicana appearing, no such thing, damn... Am I at the wrong terminal? Meanwhile many people is also waiting, some of them get to meet their someone and emotions are all around. And I think I have no plan, no expectations, no idea of what the deal is, so I decide to keep it cool and friendly until finding out what the deal will be and I feel fine with that. Then the flight is finally announced on the screen as 'arrived' and for one more hour I was still watching people, thinking, drinking water and singing in my head. Until I saw you arriving. I called you by your name, you saw me, smiled, left your things and hugged me. To me, that moment was an exemplification of happiness. We started walking and after a few steps you stopped and kissed me nicely... then you said something including the words darling and 2 weeks, we kissed again, you worried about your breath hehe (like if I gave a damn about it), I told you I didn't care and kissed you again. Then I knew what the deal was, or I thought I knew.
Y en el éxtasis de un beso me imagino más que eso y te pido juégate la aventura que posiblemente sea una más pero como siempre he sido muy intensa pienso que te quedarás...
Te regalo mi sol, mi luz, mi playa. Te doy las llaves de mi casa y mi confianza, te cocino y te llevo a pasear. Te regalo la sal de mis historias, te comparto mi fuerza y mi debilidad, te muestro el cielo al que también llamamos gloria. Me convierto en tu amiga, la mejor.
Solamente hay algo que yo me quedaría... pero en mi playa estará el sonido del mar para tí.
Sunday, March 29th.It'd been 2 days since I understood I was being foolish. However, I was happy during the vacations, it was AWESOME...
Non, rien de rien
Non, je ne regrette rien
Ni le bien qu'on m'a fait, ni le mal
Tout ça m'est bien égal
Non, rien de rien
Non, je ne regrette rien
Now it was 6.30 am and we were on our way to the airport. But I wasn't really going anywhere, well, yes, I was going home. Breakfast was OK. Children going to a school journey or something in one departures entrance so we went to the other. That was it. I got the feeling it was all over, not really because of the distance but because of feelings. It was over and I knew it, so I tried not to look into your eyes... We said goodbye. I didn't want to tell you I would miss you because, damn, you already knew, but at the end you were the one who said so (and I ended up saying me too) after hugging and kissing me for the last time. I said I hoped I could ever see you again, and you said we would make that happen and I felt skeptical about that. Then we really said good bye and I left, didn't want to see you leaving, so I left and did not turn around anymore. Was thinking to wait at the airport for the 12.30 bus to Xalapa but there was no use waiting there, alone, I dropped some tears on my way, took the metro to the bus station, tried to hide it. Suddenly I was here in my hometown.
I guess I have been there, I guess I am there now
You knew what you wanted and you fought so hard
So of course I miss you and miss you bad
But I also felt this way when I was still with you
This city's no longer mine
There's sadness written on every corner
Monday, March 30thI am feeling good, happy indeed. Today is Caritina's degree exam and it is so exciting. First one of our class doing so... And she did a great job :) I feel at home again. By home I mean in my natural environment, science, labs, equations, classmates that have become friends now, we gathered and had a party for Cary and it is a new day, a new perspective, a beautiful day.
Living on my guard
Wind is on my neck
Sun is on my face
Beautiful day without you
Like rays of gold, I honestly can, now can I forget the pain
Feeling spoiled in this world
Fighting beliefs, now can I
Notion took about
Still I wonder how
Morning after rain clears away the pain
We realize we belong apart
'Cause we entice, we've got ways of knowing
The open sky
The breathing stars
When we belong in a world apart
'Cause in these times there's no way of knowing..
And still I'm spoiled
Feeling refined
This beautiful day makes me sigh...
I was also informed that my exam was going to be on that thursday :) finally!
Today. Part II.I saw Slumdog Millionaire this evening and got inspiration for many things, among them, blogging about these late happenings... I felt I needed to let go, and this was the first step. It was not written. In my case, it was not written. It's ok, real life is like that, although I sometimes wish it was like a movie. The answer of my Jan 12th blog entrance's last question is the title of this entrance. And it is ok. I have the greatest memories of this vacation...
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